10 Things: Birthday Edition

Today’s my birthday, and I’m going to spend it as I spend so many of my days–working. That’s not a complaint, by the way. I am quite blessed to love what I do and to be afforded the opportunity to do it with so many incredible people. However, while I’m in front of my computer I will take advantage of the fact that it’s June 1st and give you my 10 Things: Birthday Edition. Or, 10 things I hope will happen in the next 365 days:

1. I will partake in one live continuing education event that I play no part in hosting, researching, teaching or facilitating.

2. I won’t hear cervical findings identified on a sexual assault medical-forensic exam explained away (successfully) as “injury during a vigorous shower scrubbing“. I’m inclined to tell you that if that’s happening, you’re probably doing it wrong.

3. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell will (finally) be fully repealed. States won’t try to pass laws that expand the definition of justifiable homicide to include those attempting to injure a fetus. And I won’t read about some ignorant politician telling me that rape is something I just need to be prepared for (because once in a lifetime is enough). I know these are actually 3 separate things, but file them all under the “really?” category.

4. I will cross an ocean, and it won’t be for a court martial or a training. I know it’s crazy, but I’m thinking about taking an actual vacation. With my actual partner. You know, simultaneously traveling to the same spot for an agreed upon period of time for no good reason whatsoever. That kind of travel. And I will blow a huge chunk of accumulated miles making it happen. And I will eat myself into a coma.

5. I won’t hear a single healthcare provider tell me that victim advocates shouldn’t be in the room during the SAFE exam, because of the potential for contamination of evidence. Unless they’re licking the swabs, this is probably less likely than, you know, the SAFE contaminating the evidence. And while we’re at it, I won’t routinely hear clinicians refer to the patient’s body as a crime scene. Particularly during trainings. We don’t talk about gunshot victims’ bodies as crime scenes. You can still do a good job collecting evidence from a patient without dehumanizing her body. Plus, I don’t provide healthcare to a crime scene.

6. Someone will ask me to do something professionally, and I will say no.

7. I will run the Army 10-miler. And when I say run, what I mean is finish.

8. I will help prep a SANE for testimony, and I won’t hear her downplay her credentials, describe her primary purpose as being for evidence collection, or apologize for being “just a nurse”.

9. I will write for a lay audience. And then write, and write some more.

10. I will (figuratively) hyperventilate less, and yoga breathe more.